As the winter ends and the spring blossoms there is a chance that some may feel a great malaise.
The winter suffocates the spirits of many.

Perhaps it is because you had a difficult time garner the appropriate level of Vitamin D. Deficiency.
Maybe your consumption of magnesium and zinc was too little.  Mistake
Possibly the pickings this winter was slim as the best were spoken for. S(weats)N(orthface)UGG Season.

Though the ground has begun to thaw and sundresses line department store windows your spirits have been slow to wake.

The warm caress of the sun does nothing for you. You have fallen into a slump and like Persephone you feel trapped as you gnaw on pomegranate seeds.

You have failed the Boomers’ measure of success: no car, no money, no girl.

Your ambition slowly wanes as each day is almost identical to the last.
You have become Lebowski while in your heart you wish to be more Pulaski.

You refresh your e-mail account in the hopes that a new job offer will greet you.
You measure your life by the pictures and statuses posted on Facebook.

Everyone seems to be succeeding and making waves.
You forget that it is all a highlights reel and not a behind the scenes.

Melancholy beseeches you.

You are not the only one. I understand your plight for I find myself in a similar pit.
Ambition and Intelligence all rendered mute due to circumstance.
Avoiding outings because one’s wealth is but a fistful of dollars.
Stranded at home for longer than expected.

You start rehabilitation.
Seaweed to maintain iodine levels for your thyroid.
Magnesium, zinc, melatonin, fatty oils to improve dopamine and serotonin levels.
Outings in the sun.

Yet there is something missing. You find the energy that had alluded you for months.
However, there is a anxiousness in your walk. Something needs to burst forward.

One night a primal force fills your being and takes control.
You bend backwards and raise your head to the sky.

And howl.

You release all your mental anguish. Your feelings of growing dread are no longer being held in place.
Your troubles dissipate as you continue your howl into the night. Each howl more confident than the last. Primal song.

You become light. Your body no longer in knots. Tranquility
Smile grazes the visage. Your skin begins to tingle with energy.
Apollo reborn.

You begin to run. Like a wild man possessed through the streets you dart.
You jump over obstacles. You do not lack breath. Your muscles do not ache.

You feel alive as you spot a tree and climb it.
One branch to the next you rise above the rest.
Looking out you see farther as the moon lights your gaze.

The nuisances that plagued you earlier have become muted.
Self deprecation forgotten as self awareness returns.
Anxiety has been replaced by a freedom.

Tomorrow will be a gritty reboot.
Life’s a bitch and she’s always having puppies.
It’s about time you adopted and played with one.

Note: If you are feeling anything that can be construed as depression or being depressed please seek assistance. Life has a habit of trying to see how much pressure it can apply to our throat. There will never be shame in asking someone to help you breathe again.

Amsterdam is a safe city. Everyone I spoke to was inclined to tell me this.

People on the street kept stopping me trying to sell me cocaine and “Charlie.”
Amsterdam is a safe city.
Brawls broke out outside clubs and the red light districts.
Amsterdam is a safe city.

I should have known better, but my youthful naiveté made it hard for me to recognize.
The hints were there.
Our cabbie welcomed us: “Ah, from the Big Apple to the Rotten Apple.”

It was my senior year of high school and my two friends, let’s call them Lucius and Titus, and I traveled to London and Amsterdam as a way to prepare ourselves for college. The trip was to strengthen the bonds of friendship and a graduation gift. Coming of Age Ceremony.

The trip itself was very relaxed and enjoyable. Over the two weeks, our guards slowly whittled down from our urban paranoia of anyone could potentially stab us to a small town mentality. Dullness.

It was our last night in Amsterdam and we were based in the city center. The entire trip I avoided an altered mind state. Boy scout. I only drank and even that was sparingly. I enjoy maintaining as much power over my being as possible and am distrusting of things that would impede my ability to control my actions. My two friends however are more open minded.

On our last day we were sitting in a coffee shop that was Pink Floyd themed. The weather outside was gorgeous and the breeze gently caressed our faces as we reclined on the second floor looking out onto the city below. We were taken by a wedding procession that included numerous drums and horns. My friends had just finished the last of their space cake.

All seemed well; their faces were filled with content smiles that spewed silly things.

That night, Lucius slept soundly and I lay in bed thinking of the future to come when Titus shook me.
“I’m not feeling so good man, everything feels stuffy.”
Even with my lack of experience I noticed that he was having a negative reaction to the space cake.
“Let’s take a walk. Fresh air is always good”

We walked down one a street, past smart shops and stores selling Delft works. I figured he should eat something and we came upon a pizza shop selling “NYC Style” pizza. Naturally the slices were terrible.

We began the trek back to the hostel when a short wiry figure came into view. My first thought was that he was homeless who may have been on something. His moves were fidgety and eyes wild. Shirt baggy and stained. Shortly cropped hair exposed a thin scar that gleamed in the streetlight. Vagrant.

“Hey how’s it going guys, where you from?” He stuck his hand out for a shake.
His English was lightly accented, something I had noticed when speaking to a few in Amsterdam.
Titus next to me seemed at unease and I thought it may be a good idea to be friendly and curt with the interaction.  Quick end.

I shook his hand and with fake unbridled enthusiasm let him know we were from New York City.
He poured some white powder on my hand which I promptly shook off.

“That was fifty euros of coca-ina motherfucker. You better pay me for it.”

Time stopped for me as he lifted his shirt and show a knife tucked into the waistband of his track pants.  I spared a glance at Titus and he was shaking and his eyes were bugging out of his head.

I have been in two previous muggings, but neither included a weapon.
It was my last day in Amsterdam. It was four in the morning. I began to feel apprehension.
Blood left my face. My knees became pudding. Lips dry.

Everything around me was now moving as molasses. I was processing information at faster speeds. I saw everything. I saw the few stragglers on the street quickly lower their heads and shuffle away. From some recess of my mind I remembered someone telling me the police force was sparse at this hour in this “safe” area. I counted every streetlight in eye’s vision and noticed their illumination radius.

Adrenaline pumped and it felt as if tiny spiders were scurrying underneath my skin. My mind attempted to convince me that I could outrun him. I understood that if he pulled his knife out I would get cut. Most importantly I recognized that Titus was in no state to truly fend for himself.

Titus and I are built like tanks. He spent most of his high school career collecting detentions, defending soccer goals, and scoring 2360 on his SAT. He was a threat on a good day. Tonight was a bad night for him.

When your adrenaline is running and you’re put in a threatening situation from which escape is neigh impossible you begin to quickly understand the ramifications if your aggressor’s attack is successful. At this point I began to succumb to my fear. I imagined my parent’s faces if they answered a call saying their son was stabbed and/or dead mere hours before his scheduled return.

What terrified me the most was the possibility of having to explain to Titus’ parents that something had happened to him. The simplest solution was to give this man the fifty euro’s he had requested. I only had 8 Euros on me. Titus had none.

Mere seconds had passed since I saw the knife.

I was not in control of my body for my response. It was all instincts.

I looked at this man as a great aggressor and literally snarled at him. Titus was moving his mouth, but heard nothing. All I remembered was that this man was threatening my friend and me.

“Do you know where the fuck I’m from? You think you’re gonna pull this shit on someone from NYC?”

My bravado was an act, somewhere deep within I felt that if I appeared as more trouble than I was worth he would leave us be. I continued to yell at him raising my voice. Perhaps I hoped that the louder I yelled the greater the scene I would attract which would force him to leave. In truth it seemed as if the street was becoming more deserted at a quicker rate.

We were alone with a man with a knife.
There would be no heroes.
We would not be saved by flashing cherries and the sound of sirens.

He wasn’t budging. I continued being aggressive and in Italian fashion speaking with my hands. Titus was bugging out.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out the last of my riches.
“Here’s all I got asshole, 6 Euros. Take it.”

I threw it at him, grabbed Titus and began walking. My pace was quick.
I felt my shirt begin to get moist from my perspiration.
I did not look back. I listened for his footsteps.
I kept my muscles tense in the hope that if he did try to stab me, they would provide some armor.

“Run along little boy” was the last I heard from him.

That was the first time I understood the feeling of fear.
That was the first time I understood the feeling of no control.
That was the first time I understood the feeling of acting without thinking.

The knowledge that you’re responsible for your safety as well as another’s was the most frightening to me. I was no longer in control of just my fate, but Titus’ as well. My actions would have a direct effect on him. That understanding scared me the most.

To this day I am amazed that we left that interaction unscathed. I am taken aback at how my mind processed all the information around me. I am astounded by my instincts which at that time were relatively untrained and not honed.

Fear is a hell of a drug.

No matter what your opinion of Matt Forney may be there is no denying that his insights on how to make money online should be taken as gospel.

In recent years everyone with an internet connection has thought to themselves that they would be able to make easy currency on the world wide web. This is evident by the proliferation of bloggers, affiliate marketers, and growth of Ad Sense. However the majority of them do not make any coin with their pursuit.

Anything worth doing is difficult.

Forney’s text, Confessions of an Online Hustler, is at this moment the first book you should purchase if you are interested in either making money using the internet or even starting a personal blog. The reason I give it such high praise is because Forney writes with great honesty. He does not sugarcoat his previous failures. Instead he shows how his past experiences have helped him grow in regards to utilizing the internet for income supplementation.

He has made the mistakes so that you do not have to.
If you wish to save yourself time, stand on his shoulders.

Many bloggers flirt with the idea of turning our passions into coin. In recent months I have began working on projects in order to add towards my net worth. I believed that I had a grasp of the landscape and what awaits me. Erroneous. After reading Forney’s text I have decided to take a week off from a number of pursuits in order to internalize what I have learned.

At this moment in time the internet is the North Dakota of technology. There is much bounty that can be attained, all it requires is diligence and unwavering labor.

Before you take any step towards making money on the internet. Invest in this book first.
This book will either prepare yourself for the road ahead or convince you to avoid it.

Today Sunday March 24th Forney is hosting a promotion: paperback and electronic editions for half-off the regular price ($3.99 and $5.99 respectively, versus $7.99 and $11.99).

A man’s home is his escape from the world. It is where he is allowed time to recharge himself. It is the war room, restaurant, library, and gymnasium. It is his citadel of seclusion. The home provides security for the moments when you have no choice but to crawl back with tail between legs.

Some men claim that their home should be utilitarian and bare. Spartan. Every item in the home has its purpose and lack frivolity. Men are told colors are feminine and instead decorate with shades of black, grey, and white. Furniture and other items should be metal, wood, or leather. Terracotta, porcelain, and fabric have no place in their habitat.

I am not of that school. Many are flabbergasted to learn I believe a man’s home should be warm and inspiring. It should be filled with color and texture. I am not a fan of clutter, but an advocate of organized chaos. Walls should be littered with frames and bookshelves full with knickknacks. Lamps, candles, and lanterns should establish a warm glow.  Fresh flowers on tables and greenery found all around.

Articles I read on garnishing a masculine apartment take one of either two bents: a focus on attracting women or an attempt is made to create a media-system friendly set up. This is how to ornate your dwelling if you wish to be predictable and uninspired.

When I prepare my home I focus on two tenants: Inspiration and Respite.

A man is nothing without his creativity. Creativity requires the muses to gift us with inspiration.

One never knows when inspiration will strike, but one can help facilitate its frequency. If your home is dull and cold then it is hard to be moved with idea and passion. The Dark Ages. There is a reason why many great thoughts found their origin in the outdoors. Newton. Nature is chaos. In nature we find multitudes of colors, textures, and creations. Variety.

You must endeavor to do the same with your home.

Stop trying to build a home that focuses on enticing women with a guitar placed in eye sight or photographs of a recent trip to Asia. Build for yourself and not another.

Construct your residence so that you are constantly being moved and provided with stimuli. Textured wallpaper and vibrant walls. Shelves that hold things such as old tools, cast iron toys, almanacs and biology texts, and other oddities you have come across in your travles. Walls adorned with old signs, posters, photographs, or poetry that has moved you.  Choose a wall and cover it whiteboard paint so that you can always jot down ideas when inspiration shocks.

Do not fear a home where you fill vases with flowers. When at the market or florist choose what colors and petals speak to you. They will add color, vibrancy, and scent to your home. Sunflowers. Lavender. Gladiolas. When they wilt you know it is time to clean your apartment and then pick a different variety to replace them.

Each day you will seek respite from the world beyond your walls. Home Spa.

Do not be tempted to fill your den with gadgetry and electronics. If you are stirred to make your television a focal point in your home then I feel for you dear reader. Lost cause.

Fill your apartment with green leafy plants such as weeping fig and English ivy. Unsullied Life. These plants clean the air you breathe. Purification. Do not fear painting your kitchen a soothing yellow or your living room lavender. Color has the power to improve one’s mood. Soothing. Take advantage of this. Think differently.

Your bedroom should be an oasis. Many of us have unknowingly poisoned our bedrooms. Toxicity. We lay in our beds with the glare of monitors radiating upon us. If you are having trouble falling asleep it is because you have not trained your body to learn when to sleep. Sleep Hygiene.

Keep electronics out of your quarters. Watch your telenovelas in the living room. Keep your phone beyond your bedroom’s threshold. Invest in blackout window shades. Teach your body that in the bedroom you either sleep or engage in coitus. Nothing else.

Your home should inspire you and provide you an opportunity to unwind.
Do not fear creating a space that showcases the reflection that is you.
Do not focus on building lodging for someone else. It is your home. Design it to fit your needs and tastes.

Build around you and not your flat screen.

Two hours after sitting in the backseat of my friend’s car and the skyline of Atlantic City grows. The music and conversation the entire ride has been inspiring. Jokes were cracked and thought crimes committed.

Atlantic City is an odd place for me to found in.
I do not enjoy gambling. I do not get a rush when I win or lose, rather I am neutral to the whole experience. It does not move me.
I do not guzzle the devil’s buttermilk; one of the downsides of my alcohol allergy.

In places such as Atlantic City or Vegas, I am more boy scout than rock star.

I hoped to accomplish one thing during this trip. It was not to attempt to accumulate wealth, nor to hazily recall events, nor was it to leave with a fistful of numbers. I rolled into town with the sole intention of just spending time with two of my greatest friends.

I do not enjoy Casinos. I see them similar to retirement homes.
I do not hear the sounds. I do not see the lights.
Perhapse it’s because I didn’t drink enough to numb myself.

All I see are soulless eyes methodically smashing their kielbasa fingers at the slot machine.
All I smell is the perspiration of desperation as groups of guys stalked the girls that were not surrounded by their friends.
All I taste is the stale stench of cheap booze and cigarettes as I wandered in between tables.
This was no place for Caesar.

I have a difficult time stomaching Casinos because they suffocate me. People enter through the doors hoping that tonight their luck will change. They dream that the chants of the dealers will bring upon the winds of change. With a gluttonous sanguineness hunger they smack their jowls believing that winning a few hundred dollars will allow them to forget about the oxygen canister they are chained to. Fool’s paradise.

I myself found solace on the boardwalk. The rain was pelting down upon the few of us that ventured forth as the waves crashed with ferocity. I looked out to sea and felt revitalized. A smirk graced my visage as I thought to myself.

Here I stand mocking the great ocean as my hands grip against the railing. I, nothing more than a gnat to the fury of nature, and yet I look out towards these waves lacking cowardice. A small dog taunting a wolf.

Behind me stood the great testament of man: our greatest achievement: our ability to pretend that we were safe and in control. Before me stood the greatest truth: exactly how powerless we are.

The moments when I was not outside gulping at the fresh air and feeling the chill freezing my face, I longed to escape the indoors.

Inside was a hodgepodge of people trying to be “epic” or “have the best night ever.” Torn jeans and running sneakers in a steakhouse. Unbuttoned over sized stripe shirts at the club. Dirty t-shirts at the tables. Unwashed hair at the slots. Hail Mary’s at the bar. This is the middle of the bell curve. The oblivious middle.

Atlantic City was a reminder. It was a manifestation of what I despise and what I hold dear.

I enjoy the company of my friends. I cherished the conversation as well as their presence. Atlantic City gave us an opportunity to get away from the girlfriends and obligations. It gave them an opportunity to figure out how to better your odds playing roulette.

As we drove away I did not dwell on the things that I disliked. Instead, in between belting out tunes I reminisced on the banter, intellectual back and forth, and laughs.

A man is but a manifestation of his priorities.

Michael’s note: A few months ago my friend J.V. started to work out with me in the park. To refresh your minds, I don’t go to the gym, I work out at my neighborhood park doing the following: http://michaelbyc.com/2012/10/22/how-to-trespass/ . I asked J.V. to do a review in the hopes of convincing more people to include calisthenic training on top or in lieu  of lifting. This is what he came up with. There’s a lot of how he sees me from an outsider’s perspective, which I think is interesting for any long time readers who haven’t had a chance to meet with me. In a way perhaps it’ll give some more proof that the things I write about I believe in. I hope you enjoy his take on me and working out in the park.

The walk is always interesting.  Purposely strolling through a park located in a secluded NYC community one banters and comments looking to catch up not really knowing what to expect once we get to the “Vatican” as Byc calls it.  What makes this interesting is the duality with which one is faced when in the company of this man.  Having known Byc for many years now, considering him a close friend, confidant, consigliore and satirical commentary; I have been able to see the evolution of thought and character but paradoxically the consistency in the outrageousness, which is the character “BYC.”

To many readers and outsiders the brass ego that confronts you when BYC speaks takes you off guard at first.  One wonders if he is just a caricature or if this guy actually believes all he says.  As relationships develop one gets to know Byc, past the persona, the ego, yet one never stops knowing if this is all an act or a reality.  This is not to say that Byc is a fake or in Holden Caufield’s words a “phony;” it actually, rather the opposite.  Byc tends to be thought manifesting itself.  The stream of consciousness filled with rocks leading upstream.  Byc, alluding to Socrates, is consistently the gnat that is jabbing at the horse’s ass forcing those around him to take a different perspective into consideration.

It is essential that one preface the rest of this “workout review” with the certainty that this is not a mere workout review but rather an extension of what it means to be BYC.  Being done with the pleasantries I am now able to recant of my experience of embarking down this new rabbit hole with Byc, which has not yet led me to the bottom.

Once we reach the urban gym filled with monkey bars, wooden planks and a slew of metal poles one wonders what kind if any exercise can be done in such a place.  Popular shows like OZ and Gangland give glimpses of burly men doing pull ups on a monkey bar but past this what else can be done except for your ordinary push-up? What the outsider does not realize is that there is code of ethics, work and mindset that comes with the urban gym.  It’s a tradition that is passed from person to person as they come into these edifices of physical imagination.  By myself I would be limited to push-ups and pull-ups but to the student of this secluded and mute society there are endless possibilities of challenging exercises that your traditional gym rat would not conceive.

On my first day we started with pull ups since they tend to be the most challenging for an amateur.  After doing 3 measly pull-ups the humbling sensation begins to hit.  It is here that you first encounter the code of ethics in the urban gym.  One cannot lie to others or oneself in this place.  One cannot pose and strut looking to impress with the amount of weight one “perceivably can move” but rather one is challenged to be brutally honest when coming face first with your personal bodily limitations.  No one is there to spot you, no one is there to feed your ego, and you’re humbled.

We moved on to a progression of low “H” looking bars that gave me no incentive to decipher what their use was.  I was instructed to do 3 pushups as I maneuvered different poses across the set of 3 H-bars.  Scoffing at the number of pushups to be done; I finished the progression going down with some fatigue but still remarking that it was not that challenging until I was told to them in reverse.  In total that sequence of 3 push-ups turned into a total of 78 push-ups.  Fully fatigued at this point we continued to do a set of modified dips on large polls called “the iron man” due to the open-hand grip on the pole.  We finished with dive-bomber pushups on parallel bars.  At this point being physically exhausted and with thirst I could only notice how mentally weak I was.  With the cold air hitting my face so did the code of work that dominates the urban gym.  One works to fatigue and nothing past that.  It is very easy to work to “exhaustion” in a gym as one is isolating one muscle group or is surrounded by “spotters.”  However, when you are hanging upside down 5 feet from the ground exhaustion is the last thing you want to reach.  One works to the muscle fatigue and not an ounce harder.  Safety is priority.

I would consider myself a recreational athlete.  I play softball on the weekends and football in the fall but do not train like I used to in High School or College.  In those days I ran track and power lifted.  I had not only trained my body but was proud that I had trained my mind.  The mind is the first thing to go when the body begins to ache.  The mental hurdles are always the hardest.  It was not until that day in the urban gym that I realized my mental fortitude was no longer there.  The threshold I had worked on for years was no longer where I could muster myself to be proud of.  Ever since then I have kept going back with Byc at least twice a week to work on myself both body and mind.  This is the code of mindset.  There is a reason distractions in this gym are not tolerated and a reason why focus is always in mind.  Having the mental ability to surpass what seems to be physically limiting as well as being creative enough to challenge the body in new and interesting ways is the way of life for people training here.  The mind is more important than the body.

I remember when Byc first told me that he was going to an urban gym and learning all these different exercises and life lessons from those around him and thought he was crazy; another thing for him to add to the BYC persona but in reality this like almost everything else about Byc.  It catches you off guard at first.  You think it’s all an elaborate show but its actually something that is genuine like Byc.

If anything this experience has brought me closer to my Brother, has enlightened me about my weaknesses and downfalls and has kept challenging me to bring my best every time we are there.  The only person I am competing against is the inner voice in my head telling me to give in.  I will keep in mind to stay true to the code of ethics, work and mindset a body, mind, soul approach.

I cannot guarantee that this work out is for everyone.  As I mentioned someone needs to take the time out to open the door to this world.  I am lucky enough to have Byc do that for me.

In the beginning of this series I made the assertion that negotiation is life.
I will stand by this statement for the rest of my life.

Negotiating has taught me how to read and become in tune with the desires of others. It has taught me that we can always sweeten a deal. Most importantly it has taught me that anything can be negotiated if you are good enough.

Over the last few days I have given you a multitude of ideas and terms to dissect. Hopefully I helped inspire you to work on your own negotiating skills. I hope that at the very least you have become aware of the forces of negotiating.

If you were serious about learning this skill, then I have given you a most comprehensive introduction. There are numerous books and other resources on this topic for you to further your skills if you so desire.

I have much to say on this topic, but I leave that to you the reader to get in touch with me if you so desire.

I hope that you realize that negotiating does not have to be a winner takes all interaction. It can very well end up being a meeting of parties that leave the table happy with what they got. However, I also hope that you recognize that the negotiation is never really only about the issues, but who the negotiators are and that they will always act in their best interest.

A few months back I got bored and started thinking about theoretical applications of negotiations in unlikely situations. The following link will send you to a PDF which is the result of my theorizing.

https://mega.co.nz/#!NJcD3JxQ!F5qTgBvgzN_MIU9DZR5wfzk3JPRI99hFoYMseRL4aa4

I hope that you find it interesting and that you recognize in the paper the things you’ve learned over the last six days.

Cheers,
Michael

Over the last few days I have attempted to share with you the aspects and maneuvers that make up negotiations. It is very difficult to showcase a complex topic such as negotiations because each negotiation is different. Different topics inspire different reactions within negotiators. Furthermore there are numerous outside influences which may derail or inspire negotiations.

Today we will attempt to touch upon the complexities that you may face during your own negotiations.

Chaos of Negotiating

Non-rational assumptions, behaviors and actions
You may believe something to be true when no evidence presents itself. This complicates the negotiation because you either believe something negative about your counterpart or you develop unreasonable expectations such as “they should know how I feel about this issue.”

Non-predictability
One can never predict how a negotiation will go. Outside and internal forces may change the dynamic of the negotiations.

Small actions that may have massive consequence
You may say the wrong thing and that may offend your counterpart to the point where they are now going to attempt to derail any chance you had at successful integrative negotiation.

Developing Feedback Loops
You work with your counterpart to create the negotiating dynamic. Your actions will inspire their response. Therefore it is disingenuous to believe that fault lies only on one side.

Things to Expect from Negotiations

Concession-Convergence
A negotiation is based on concessions from each side. At a certain point both sides will reach the level of concessions that are willing to make.

Eleventh Hour Concessions
Negotiator or all negotiators may play hard and nothing is accomplished until the negotiation deadline is upon all sides. At this point they may work together to get some type of agreement accomplished.

Small Steps towards the End Game
Slow and steady until an agreement is reached.

Some Degree of Bad Faith
Expect this of negotiators. To ignore this aspect is to be foolish.

Some degree of Opacity
Negotiators will attempt to signal you their intentions. Also be aware that as much as you know about your counterpart they may know the same or more about you.

People do what is in their best interests.

Level of Uncertainty in Negotiations

Negotiations are made more complex with the introduction of many parties. Each party that you negotiate with could have a number of players that you do not see. These players may be participating in factions fighting amongst each other to have their issues brought to the forefront.

You may be dealing with one negotiator, but behind that negotiator is a whole collective that is fighting for their issues to be heard.

Very rarely do negotiations deal with one or a few issues. There are usually many issues that must be discussed with constant new ones being added on. Furthermore each party will have a shifting position on each issue.

During certain negotiations you or your counterpart(s) may have an imperfect understanding of the linkages and interests of the actors and issues. Parties may not know what they want or what their counterparts seek.

Unforeseen events or other types of shocks may derail or change the pace of the negotiation. Perhaps you and your counterpart were discussing a peace treaty between your two nations. Then a vocal minority was able to convince a majority that the peace treaty is a terrible idea. This may force your counterpart to have to leave the table even though they still wish to negotiate peace.

Negative Negotiators

Failure to Implement
You and your counterpart(s) have agreed and signed to a negotiation. However how will you respond when they fail to implement their part of the agreement? What will be the actions that can be and must be taken to have them hold onto their end of the agreement?

Deliberate Non-Implementation
What if you are negotiating with a party that is saying “yes” to everything, but  never plans on implementing their end. How do you deal with these bad faith negotiators.

The Escalation Tipping Point
What if the negotiation reaches the point where both parties are no longer concerned with making gains, but how badly they can “hurt” each other or whose “hurting” the other more. How do you deal with a negotiation that has devolved to each side trying to “destroy” the other?

Outright Manipulation
Are you skilled enough to notice whether your counterpart has used the negotiation as part of a grander scheme that leaves no intrinsic value for you? Is the negotiation a farce to build up your counterpart’s reputation or have them appear that they sought a compromise while in fact they had no inclination?

Tomorrow, Day 7 I will attempt to summarize all the information that I have provided for you these last 6 days. I will also provide you with a PDF of a theoretical discussion on how a negotiation can be utilized in a non-traditional negotiation setting.

This post is the shortest of all the negotiation lessons, but it is in many ways the one that will change your understanding of human interactions the most.

One of the most interesting aspects of negotiations is learning persuasion techniques. Humans are creatures that can easily be persuaded to do something or to feel a certain way. This ugly truth bothers many people for they like to think of themselves as smarter and more aware of their environment than their counterpart(s).

Now there are six main factors that help inspire people to being persuaded. Before we begin I would like to let you know that being persuaded is not a bad thing. One should not be in a negotiation with me versus them. Being persuaded is only negative if you are being persuaded into an action that is negative to your own. If you find yourself being persuaded and do not take a major loss than it can still be a positive persuasion.

How to Persuade

Reciprocity
This is perhaps the greatest negotiation skill set. People have a hard time not reciprocating an action. When someone offers you something and you say “yes” you will most likely feel an inclination or obligation to repay them in some way. This is can actually be considered a rule: the mere act of offering someone can make them feel obligated to help you out in a way.
Ex: A guy is selling door to door. You open your door and he automatically goes into his spiel about whatever he is selling. At the same time he hands you a pamphlet and you accept it. While you may not care about the product, the moment he asks to show you how the product works you begrudgingly agree to let him in and showcase his wares. At first you may have slammed the door, but the mere act of him giving you something for free made you feel that you should at least allow him to run his presentation. It’s the “nice” thing to do.

Commitment and Consistency
People are constrained by their choices and wish to stay consistent with their commitments.
Ex: “We’re out of stock” People that are consistent in their dealings are trusted to be telling the truth the moment s they can’t provide a service or good during a negotiation.

Social Proof
People create an idea of who a person is by how others interact with them.
Ex: He must be a good person because he treats everyone so well.

Authority
This is a mental shortcut, we tend to respect the opinion of a person based on their profile or background while letting our needs, preferences, and merits go on the backburner.
Ex: I’m not sure if I should do this procedure, but he’s a doctor so I should trust his opinion on this matter.

Liking
If you like a person, you’re more willing to listen to their spiel.
Ex: I like that girl, it’s no big deal for me to come over and change her light bulb.

Scarcity
Many times you’ll be convinced to go along with something because something you desire may no longer be there tomorrow. This is related to your alternatives. Scarcity in a negotiation can be actual (helium) or artificial (diamonds).
Ex: I only have three left, take it or leave it!

What you learned today on Day 5 you can utilize in your everyday life. This is because life is a negotiation.

There are two types of negotiations: distributive and integrative. Distribute negotiations are the ones that we are most familiar with due to popular culture and our own amateur understanding of negotiations. Distributive is where we believe that there is a static amount of value and that there is a winner and loser in a negotiation. In distributive negotiations we attempt to “outsmart” our counterpart. It makes the “winner” want to gloat afterwards saying “I was authorized to give you more than I did! I’m so good at this negotiation stuff.”

Integrative is the type of negotiation I want you to incorporate into your experiences. It is the type that offers you the greatest benefits and also leaves your counterpart with a positive view of you. It also sets the stage for future potential negotiations.

If you learn one thing, remember your reputation as a negotiator will make the rounds. How you want to be known as a negotiator is based in part on which style you choose and how you interact with your counterpart. Your reputation will proceed you.

Distributive Negotiations

There is very little value creation and more focus on division and claiming the value on the table.
Participants view it as a zero-sum interaction: My loss is your gain, my gain your loss.
From the beginning it is seen as the values and issues of counterparts are in conflict with one’s own.
Greater chance of mutual losses due to the strategies that work “best” in such a negotiation

Negotiator Dilemma: Create or Claim Value: Parties prefer to claim value instead of creating it.

How Negotiators Negotiate

Negotiators spend a lot of time and energy attempting to hide their preferences. They will go as far as to “misrepresent” what their interests are. There is a belief that if the other party knows what you really want they will use that as greater leverage.

Do everything in their power so that the Zone of Possible Agreement (ZOPA) is not apparent. There is very little information sharing.

They constantly threat the other party with walking away. This is their “strongest” BATNA. They will attempt to convince their counterpart that they could have a deal just as good if not better if they walk away. They try to convince their counterpart that the best deal that counterpart will make will be with them. This can be true or a lie is laid on thick.

Effects

Such negotiations take a toll on everyone involved. They have everyone leaving the table with negative feelings towards their counterparts. Even the “winners” do not get as much satisfaction as they thought they would.

If one party claims something, the other party will reciprocate a claim. Parties may start to claim things they did not want in the first place or even need simply as a way to “beat” the other side.

Integrative or value creating solutions tend to be ignored or purposely undermined.

The reputation of distributive negotiators will spread and people will slowly become prepared to be more “hard assed” than one another. This will only further make future negotiation an even more tedious process than it needs to be.

Integrative Negotiations

These types of negotiations put a great emphasis on value creation and de-emphasize value distribution.

An example: We may be negotiating about how to split a pizza, but then we realize we can add the free soda into the mix. Or perhaps one party is more interested in the cheese left in the middle and the other likes crust more. We have now taken the negotiation from simply dividing the pizza and added other aspects of value.

The assumption of the negotiation is that it is positive sum. Your gain can also be my gain. We attempt to share information so that others can make counteroffers that are more in line with what we want.

How Negotiators Negotiate

Emphasize the “shadow of the future.” We may negotiate at another time; let’s treat each other well so that we can do great business next time as well.

Demonstrate the value of collaboration. If we work together we can create a better deal for all involved than was first considered.

Process is important. Instead of threatening or posturing, let’s create a principled approach so that we go about the negotiation reasonably instead of squabbling.

Effects

You focus more on creating more value than was on the table. Thus you could expand your gains and the gains of your counterpart. There is a focus on relative versus absolute gains.

Changing the zero-sum assumption allows parties to no longer view each other as enemies, but rather  as collaborators.

You begin to focus on creative options.

Brainstorming ideas rather than engaging in an endless trade of drafted agreements.

Both sides leave the negotiating table without hard feelings since there are no real “winners” or “losers” rather negotiators who got the best deal possible.

Real World Negotiating

When you’re negotiating you’ll probably engage in mixture of integrative and distributive negotiations. It would be silly to believe that people would just begin to trust you not to screw them over. People are cautious. They do not want to show their cards.

If you have nothing to lose and everything to gain then showing your counterpart your cards could be a good move. “Listen, this is what I want; this is what I have and/or can give you. Let’s figure something out.”

However, the majority of time you want to keep your information closer to you that further. The reason for this initially is to test what kind of negotiator you are dealing with. If you have done your research you will know what your counterpart may be seeking and what kind of position they are in. This information can help you figure out if they’re being more open with you. You want to see if your counterpart is signaling you that they’re being honest or bluffing. You can then choose to convince them to engage in a more integrative negotiation.

Furthermore the value of collaborating is you cut out a huge chunk of the bullshit and can start to work on where each of your ZOPA is. How far you and your counterpart are willing to go?

Sadly the truth is many who engage in negotiations view negotiations as a way to show off who’s smarter or more strategic. You may see the possibility to create greater value, but they’re too busy trying to take everything from you. In such instances realize that you will be unable to work with them and you either play their game nicely or call them out and leverage all hell on them.
If you’re in a weaker position start reaching out to their rivals, etc.

Also be wary of Predator Negotiators. These are vile scum. They appear to value integrative negotiation, but they’re luring you into a sense of collaboration. Afterwards they will pounce trying to suck you bone dry and call you an idiot. You honestly wanted the best for both sides, but they want to gloat more.

Negotiation is “trust but verify.” Enter negotiations with the intention to make it a positive experience, but expect zero-sum minded counterparts.

Today is the end of Day 4.
Tomorrow I will share with you some aspects of persuasion that will expand your negotiation toolkit.